November 8 - Poke Them in the Cho Po

The best is when you're pretty sure you see your friend walking up ahead of you, so you walk faster to catch up and you're calling their name, but they can't hear you because they're listening to their iPod.
So you start walking really fast, like Terminator fast, and you start feeling like a stalker (creepy but fun) or a detective (fun and badass).
Anyway, eventually you get right up behind them, and it's like OK, great. What now? Say hey and then have a conversation?
Hell no.
This is a brilliant opportunity because they can't hear you and you can totally mess with them. Make faces, flip them off, mime masturbation, whatever, have a ball, and milk the shit out of it for blocks because why the hell not? Live a little. That's all I ask.
And when you finally let your presence be known, do us both a favor and scare the ever loving doo doo out of them.
Plenty of different ways you can do this, but simply tapping them on the shoulder is the lamest, so you should skip that shit. Instead, lick their ear, or reach between their legs and give their peter (or jo jo) a little slap, or poke them in the cho po. (By the way, cho po = chocolate pocket; and chocolate pocket = asshole.)
Anyway, you usually opt for reaching around them from behind (with both hands!), grabbing their belly, and giving it a nice jolly jiggle while gently cooing "Is Santa getting weady for Chwistmas?" in their ear. Never fails to get a "What the--?" reaction.
Yes, but here's where it gets dicey. Your "friend" turns around, and--surprise, surprise--it's not your friend. You've gotten it all wrong. Again! How you mistook a police officer, or a biker, or (gasp!) a nun for your friend is something you always have a hard time explaining, especially since you don't really speak the local language that well (read: at all).
So you try to communicate any way you can, but, dude, nothing works.
Hand gestures? They just muddy the waters.
Apologetic shrugs? Nobody's buying what you're selling.
Giggling? It just adds fuel to the fire.
Eventually, whoever it is gets so sick of trying to figure out wtf that they storm off, leaving you there to ask yourself, "Was it worth it?"
Well? Was it?
Maybe.
But probably not.
So next time, I recommend you avoid getting into that embarrassing situation simply by remembering this: the person you see up ahead of you?
Not your friend.
Want to know how I know?
Because you don't have any friends, jackass.