2014 New Year's Resolutions of an '80s Action Star

• Walk in slow motion toward the camera while a building burns behind me.
• Get shot with an arrow, snap it off at the shaft, continue fighting.
• Dive over something right as what I'm running away from blows up.
• Light a fire by flicking a burning cigarette into a puddle of jet fuel in slow motion.
• Crash through a plate glass window. Continue fighting.
• Get betrayed . . . by the very person who'd told me to trust no one.
• Get mocked by my younger, hipper partner for being unimpressed by/unable to use a new piece of technology.
• Be told by an older colleague that it's a new time now and people like us don't matter anymore.
• When it seems like it's all over and the main bad guy has the drop on me and he dickishly throws some snarky quip at me at gunpoint . . . spring my trap, shoot him dramatically, and turn his one liner around on him.
• Have a partner who 1) I've been with my entire career; 2) I love like a brother; 3) is black; 4) has a newborn kid; and 5) is a week away from being transferred to a safer, cushier job; but 6) manages to make it to the end of the movie alive.
• Use a paperclip to pick the lock on a pair of handcuffs.
• Defuse a bomb seconds before it's about to blow.
• Spit blood in the eye of the captors who are beating me for information.
• Have access to a bunch of random uniforms (elevator repairman, janitor, etc.) that I use to gain access to buildings.
• Refresh an informant's memory with a $20 bill.
• Use a fake passport, have the border guard take a really long time to check it, force a smile, and ultimately have it stamped.
• Realize too late that the harmless looking guy/woman/child I just waved through is actually a suicide bomber. Turn toward the building and yell, "NOOOO" in slow motion right as it blows up.
• Use hand signals to coordinate a stealth raid.
• Do that thing where I run out of bullets in both handguns at the same time, eject the empty cartridges, reload, and keep shooting. Preferably in slow motion.
• Jump from one moving car to another.
• Yell, "THERE'S NO TIME!" into a walkie-talkie.
• Win a fight against multiple thugs despite being tied to a chair.
• In the middle of fighting one bad guy for control of a run, use said gun to shoot another bad guy.
• Claim to be too old for this shit.
• Do it anyway.