November 2 - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

There's a tiny window in late October, early November right when the NBA season starts and right before the end of MLB that's the best time of the year for sports. You've got pro football, college football, pro basketball, and pro baseball (with college hoops right around the corner). And if you're the kind of superstitious sports fan who thinks that little things he does can affect a game's outcome, this is a hectic time for you because there is an insane amount of rituals, habits, routines, things to say, things to avoid saying, clothes, foods, and other minutia you have to keep straight.
Take me.
I can't wear anything with Virginia Tech on it the night before a Hokies football game, but I can't wear anything but my maroon hoodie on the night of a game. (For Tech hoops, I do things a little differently: I wear maroon the night before the game and keep it on until after the game--unless we lose. Then I switch to black after the game.)
If the Phillies are on a streak, I can't shave or clip my nails, and I always step into intersections, buildings, rooms, elevators, and everything else with my left foot first. I do this up until the first pitch, and then I switch to my right foot from then on.
Breakfast on Eagles' game day: bagel, cream cheese (Philly. Duh.), scrapple. And I always wear my green boxers. Same pair every time. If we lose, they get washed. If not, they don't.
If the Blazers are on the road, I wear my watch on my left wrist. If we're at home, it's on the right.
The night before Northwest Division games, I wear my headband to bed.
And if I'm watching the game at home or in a bar, I drink PBR. If I have seats at the Rose Garden, I drink Weinhard's.
No shaving during the playoffs in any of my pro sports.
Same goes for the NCAA tourney and bowl season, which for me begins a week before Tech's bowl game and continues through the National Championship game. Someday, the cosmos will align, and Tech's bowl game and the National Championship game will be the same game.
Until then, it's a shot of Wild Hokie on every game day--unless we lose. Then it's no more until next season.
For lunch on football game day it's always a sandwich: turkey and Swiss on rye for Virginia Tech. Roast chicken and sharp cheddar (also on rye) for the Eagles. In both cases, the sandwich must be eaten in exactly six bites.
Things get complicated when there are Hokies playing for the Eagles, Blazers, or Phillies because in those instances I double up on my rituals, doing all my Virginia Tech stuff and all the stuff I do for that particular pro team. For instance, Michael Vick is playing for the Eagles now. And even though he's a convicted felon, he still played for Tech. Therefore, whenever the Eagles are playing I do everything I would do for a Virginia Tech game as well what I would do for an Eagles game. If these conflict with each other, Virginia Tech takes precedence.
If all of that's not enough, I do courtesy superstition rituals for the alma maters of my wife, parents, and sister--all of whom went to different schools, so there's a lot of cross referencing stuff I have to keep track of. I've got flowcharts and spreadsheets that help me keep it all straight. I'm not kidding.
Does following all these superstitions make a difference? Do you really think I'm going to take a chance and find out?
Obviously I don't get a haircut unless the Eagles, the Phillies, and the Hokies have all lost their most recent game.
On football game day, I back into the driveway. On basketball game day, I pull in front first. If they're both on the same day, I park on the street. If somehow the Phils are playing as well, I bike.
My keys stay in my left pocket at all times except during the game. Then they're in my right pocket.
When and if any of my teams have a winning streak that extends beyond seven games, I eat squid for lunch on every game day. And for each successive victory, I add 100 grams to my order. This past season the Phils had an 11-game winning streak. That's a lot of squid.
In any sport on any level, if the other team scores first I light a cigarette, take a drag, and put it out on my tongue. If we score first, I kiss my right fist and raise it to the skies.
And on and on.
But at least the Fall Classic is over. Thank God. Just in time for college hoops to start up. It never ends, especially around this time of the year. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing I love more than watching sports. But I swear to God, it can be hard work sometimes.