November 21 - Stacy the Lesbian Vampire Killer

Stacy the lesbian vampire killer was constantly having to explain himself to people who called the phone number on his business flyers.
No, he himself was not a lesbian.
Nor was he a vampire.
He was a person who hired himself out to kill vampires who were lesbians; thus his job title, Stacy the Lesbian Vampire Killer.
And considering how many lesbian vampires there were in his area, he was providing a valuable service--not that anyone ever gave him credit. People always focused on the fact that he only killed lesbian vampires, and was, therefore, obviously homophobic and/or sexist. Never mind the fact that for whatever reason (something to do with a curse) the only vampires in the area were lesbians. Never mind that they were a menace to everyone out there. The important point to most people was that he called himself a lesbian vampire killer; as such, he was clearly a bigot.
The fact that he was also openly homicidal usually came up much later, if at all. Being a killer, it seemed, was fine. But being a homophobic killer was not.
He insisted to everyone who would listen that he wasn't homophobic. If there had been heterosexual female vampires (or male vampires of any persuasion), he would have gladly dispensed with them, too.
"I'm not killing them because they're lesbians," he would say. "I'm killing them because they're vampires."
"OK," went the typical response. "So how many straight vampires have you killed?"
"It's not like that. If there were any, I'd kill them too, but they're all lesbians."
"That's convenient."
"Look, it's not my fault they're lesbians."
"Oh, so being a lesbian is somebody's fault?"
"That's not what I meant. Look, I don't have anything against lesbians per se."
"That's a relief. So you just kill them because it's fun?"
"I kill them because they're vampires. Look, I'm fine with lesbians. I have friends who are lesbians. And I think they should be allowed to marry, join the military, have kids, whatever. I have no problem at all with lesbians as long as they're not vampires."
"So, it's vampires you have a problem with."
"Yes!"
"So then why do you have to say lesbian vampires?"
"Because that's what they are!"
And on and on and on, and eventually Stacy got tired enough of having that conversation that he changed the name of his business to Stacy the Vampire Killer. This seemed to please everyone, including Stacy. He liked the sound of Stacy the Vampire Killer.
At least at first.
The Vampire Killer part was undeniably badass.
But Stacy? That was a girl's name.
How he'd managed to ignore that fact for so long was a mystery to him, but ignoring it was something he could no longer do.
He started thinking about changing it, but he wanted to get other people's input before he did anything too rash.
And so mere days after he'd won over everyone in the area by dropping 'lesbian' from the name of his business, he destroyed all the good will he'd generated by asking them if they thought Stacy sounded gay.