October 4 - Out of Love

I ever tell you about the time I was in a rock video?
No?
Check it out.
You know the video for Fell in Love With a Girl?
That's me.
Here's the short version. One day I was just sitting in some kid's closet where I'd been for like a hundred years.
(Oh, and by the way, I don't mean that in some bullshit Toy Story make you cry kind of way. Screw it. I'm a box of Legos. Would I be happier if some kids were playing with me? On some level, yeah, probably. Fuck it, I'm a toy. Play with my ass.
But on another level, no, not really. For reasons nobody's ever been able to explain to me, kids bite fucking Legos. And since I'm not some perv like your mom, I don't exactly get off on being bitten, so if avoiding the bites means staying inside my box, so be it. Toss my ass in the closet and leave me be.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the short version.
So yeah, there I am sitting in my box in some closet and next thing I know some Hollywood guys have me in some studio somewhere with shit loads of lights and cameras and low level ass kissers trying to make a name for themselves by playing with me for days and days on end.
And I do mean days.
Holy ass bleeding hell, man. Have you ever been on any sort of animation shoot? Fuck my bricky little ass, it's tedious. In order for them to make it look like I'm moving, they have to reassemble me into something slightly different for every single frame of that video. Damn thing's not even two minutes long, but man it took for freaking ever to shoot.
Have you seen it? If not, go YouTube that shit. I don't mind telling you it sucked plenty of ass to make, but I gotta admit it's a pretty kick ass video. And you may not believe it to look at me now, but I look pretty freaking good in it. There I am playing the guitar, beating the drums, walking upstairs, swimming, and I don't even know what else.
Seriously, YouTube that shit. I'll wait. Not like I have anything else to do.
Speaking of which, when they were (finally) done filming that cocksucker, back into the box I went and that was it for me. Not that I was expecting some huge career out of it or anything, but I thought maybe something might happen. Maybe I'd get put in a commercial or have some rock geek want to own the original Lego set used in Fell in Love With a Girl so he could show it off to all his dork ass not getting laid friends, or something, but no. Nothing.
Back into the closet. We're done with you.
And the thing is, most of me is like whatever. Forget my ass. Like I care.
But the rest of me is like screw you. Build me up, make me famous, and then drop me like I'm some object?
Fuck you.
Hey, I think I just came up with the plot for Toy Story 4. Not that they would ever give a story credit to a box of Legos, but whatever.