October 20 - Man in Uniform

One of my favorite things to do is wear uniforms in places where I don't work, and then when people come up to me and ask for help, I'm always like, "I don't work here."
Sometimes I apologize, but usually not.
Other times I'll ask a customer for help doing what they probably assume is my job. Wearing a Fred Meyer uniform and standing on a ladder: "Hey, could you pass me that box? Careful, it's heavy."
Almost everybody helps, at least for a little while.
Fast food uniforms are great because turnover is so high in those places. The manager or whoever is never 100% sure who all works there, so it's totally easy to just stroll into the kitchen like you just got back from a bathroom break or whatever. Get on the line. Maybe apologize for being late. Toss a few pickle chips at whoever looks the newest, and if he or she looks at you funny you can just be all, "Don't eyeball me, fresh meat. I've been flipping burgers since you were sucking your dad's tits. Know your place." And then just walk out double fisting Quarter Pounders with Cheese.
It's also great to wear a KFC uniform (or Taco Bell or whatever) and stroll into a McDonald's and start talking shit, or better yet run through the kitchen yelling, "Panty raid! Panty raid!"
It's always hilarious because, you know, what panties?
I can't even begin to tell you how many free pies I've gotten from Domino's. I just roll in there all a hurry, say "Sup" or "Driver in!" to the frazzled bastards working the phones, grab a couple of pies, and walk back out the door.
I've "worked" at least a little bit in every major restaurant franchise. Nobody says shit. They just assumes you're new.
Sometimes I whisper to the young ones that I'm from corporate ("Shh. Don't tell anyone.").
Sometimes I mack on whatever fast food hotties are working there (You'd be surprised.).
I never steal money, but I never don't steal food.
Building maintenance guy is another good one. Just put on a boiler suit, grab some tools and an extension cord, and you can go anywhere in any building. Malls and office buildings shared by different businesses are the easiest.
Understand that I don't do anything. I just like going places I'm not really supposed to be. The only real risk you run is somebody might ask you to give them a hand with something, but whatever. I don't mind helping out.
But I'll tell you this much: A security guard uniform is surprisingly ineffective. Nobody pays any attention to those guys.
But a helmet, windbreaker, walkie-talkie, and clipboard? Instant authority, man. Nobody even knows what you're supposed to be, but you look official so they stay out of your way. It's like you're dressed up like a giant garlic crucifix walking through a room full of vampires. Just bulletproof.
Want to get backstage at a concert? Jeans, t-shirt, a bunch of electrical cords, and a faded red or blue sticker about the size of a playing card with magic marker writing on it (aka 'backstage pass') stuck on your jeans. By the way, it's always good to have a few of different colors with you depending on which one they're using. It doesn't have to be perfect, just close. As long as you don't hesitate, as long as you look like you know where you're going, nobody's going to mess with you.