Everything you need to know about this story is right there in the title. It's pointless, man. So you may as well stop reading now.
Seriously. There's no freaking point to this story and it's probably just going to end mid-sentence or something anyway, so just move on. Move on dot org, mothafucka! Nothing to see here. Doop-do-do-do-do. Blah, blah, blah.
It kills me that you're reading this. It really does. Hell, I could write any old freaking thing and you would probably read it. Zippity do dah, zippity aye. My oh my it's a blah blah blah a day. Totally screwing around here. And yet you continue to read.
Oh, Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care. Actually, no. How about this: Jimmy crack corn and I do care. I do. Jimmy crack corn and I totally freaking care. I do give a shit. Everybody's always all, I don't give a shit. Well guess what, jackass. I do give a shit. I really do. How you like them apples, Matt Damon? Last time we talked you were Bourne the shit out of me, no lie.
Check me out, fools. I'm like Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver. Sign says one way east--BAM! I go west. You think I'm zigging, but I'm really zagging. Forget what you know or what you thought you knew. Screw your man Samuel L. Jackson. My wallet's the one that says BAD MOTHERFUCKER on it.
Yeah, I guess maybe this story isn't so pointless after all, is it? Look at all you've learned. And we still haven't even gotten to the big twists yet. Well, get ready, bitches because there ain't no spoiler alerts for you. I'm plowing into the twists head on!
Dig: It turns out Bruce Willis was dead THE WHOLE TIME.
Brad Pitt? Edward Norton? The same freaking dude.
You know that exotic chick from The Crying Game? She's pretty hot, isn't she? Know what's the hottest thing about her? Her penis! She's a man, man!
I'm dropping twist bombs all over your ass. Know that.
Hell, you're so caught up in all the excitement you probably forgot all about what I told you in the beginning of this story about how there's no freaking point to it and it's probably just going to
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