July 11 - Breakfast with the Orcs

The torches in their hovel flickered as the fierce orc Shrenglorf chased his last bite of ram gristle with a swig of raven grog. His wife Gylfglum snorted and sat next to him.
"Mraw thraw Brlak bloctrimi gnodpl." (We got a letter from Brlak.)
"Hurgh? Griple Orc Camp snoffle?" (Oh? How's Orc Camp?)
She handed him the letter. "Shnorfta. Thraw bloctrimi kruktled." (Here. Read it yourself.)
He took another sip of raven grog. "Mrgrimbald noka?" (Where are my glasses?)
"Thrgrimbald kraqipl noka?" (Where did you leave them?)
"Grawh hawr." (Ha ha.)
She handed him her glasses. "Shnorfta. Mrgrimbald glubbled." (Here, take mine.)
He put her glasses at the end of his short snout and began reading. "Gwrim mama o gaga, grwim glak Orc Camp. (Dear mom and dad, hello from Orc Camp.) Mraw 3 glurg snorp flarghim ghlifpl mraw thrunk! (I've only been here three days, but I love it!) Mraw glaw bgaim o tylixdar shrtump uuriplammpl o glagig vbrim xvak uuriplammpl. (Today we practiced pounding our battle axes and spears on the ground while perfecting our war cries.) Mraw glaw higally mraw wekrthm thraw glaw filx Brathsbine okigrambxpl. (We were so loud I bet you could hear us all the way in Brathsbine.) Mrglmugallim gelkcrum mraw glaw yiklypl higally o gokrnch taw dump tblakx shrektimpl. (Our camp leader told us we were so loud and scary he took a dump in his pants!) Grawh hawr! (Ha ha!). Mraw o Blipscrad o Thomborg mrakiling kalisnarf brumplix mrglmugallim civpl. (Me and Blipscrad and Thomborg just about died laughing when he said that.)
"Graw hawr!" (Ha ha!) Raven grog spilled out of Shrenglorf's snout he was laughing so hard.
"Graw hawr!" (Ha ha!) Gylfglum laughed with him as she wiped off his snout and Shrenglorf continued reading.
"Mraw glaw klenkorum grilpasht whongsych Snaggledorg grumphrpl. (Oh, and last night we released a bunch of fire rats in Snaggledorg cabin.) Thraw glaw zaoglurbguzil dak grooyple taw glaw phlaxksnorfpl! (You should have seen how freaked out they were!) Graw hawr! Gulkunchdimpl! (Ha ha! It was hilarious!) Mrglmugallim gulkunchdim blekmedalkpl. (Our camp leader didn't think it was too funny, though.) Taw yukplax mraw glaw 2 plaxin shrtump roxglishpl, emma snroflbaozpl. (He gave us double duty pounding steel stuff with hammers in a fiery hot room, but it was worth it.)"
"Taw yukilplax thraw," Gylfglum said to Shrenglorf. (He gets that from you.)
"Mraw ilzgifmemarfl!" (No argument here!)
He continued reading out loud. "Mama, yulk zrap tlip koki. Mraw urg taw qwenchbl kranken politshfl garngk arts and crafts quifclpl. Shlegalam! (Mom, thanks for the toad biscuits. I made you a necklace out of kranken teeth in arts and crafts today. It's really cool!) Wrathsh mraw yatak jaikyz. Mraw glaw okl Camp Vasgawacth orc glagig vbrim quifcl. Taw glaw vreknlich, emma mraw glaw gowelshr taw glaw vblamguk! Qvanchkok, Brlak. (I should get to bed. Tomorrow we've got battle games with the guys at Camp Vasgawacth. They think they're so tough, but we're gonna show them! Sincerely, Brlak)"
"Kanshsiz? Mraw gelkrum thraw taw OK yiklypl. (See? I told you he'd be OK.)
"Taw flarn shtvv gowkly (He does seem to be enjoying himself.)"
"Glark. (Yeah.)" He took a last swallow of grog. "Begnvt! Yovlsh shraglatted. Mraw glip shrnaffleguz. (Oh God! Look at the time. I have to go.)"
"Shnorfta. Thrhozsh phlrarmedded. O thrsalad garzsheded. (Here. Don't forget your lunch. And be sure to eat your salad.)"
"Mrak salad. Hemishrzat salad. (Again with the salad. Always with the salad.)"
"Shrenglorf. (Shrenglorf)"
"Mraw grbvizl (I will.)."
"Knoablply? (Promise?)
"Mraw knoablply. (I promise.)"
Then they kissed goodbye and Shrenglorf left for work.