July 31 - Tempting Fate

Stu: Who are you texting?
Cliff: Dan. Gotta bust his balls about this at least a little.
Stu: Game's not over.
Cliff: I know, don't worry. I won't send it until it's over. Just writing it now.
Stu: Don't jinx us.
Cliff: I just said I know. Even though it is totally over.
Stu: Not over enough.
Cliff: It's 10 - 1. Ninth inning.
Stu: I know.
Cliff: The Phillies haven't done shit all day. Look at their dugout. They've basically written this one off. They're resting everyone for Sunday.
Stu: No doubt, but still. You know my position on this.
Cliff: Don't worry. I'm not hitting send even though I totally should because this game is so clearly over. Speaking of which, why haven't we left?
Stu: Like I said.
Cliff: No, I know. Don't jinx it, blah, blah, blah. But have you ever stopped to think how ridiculous that superstition is? Like there's some omniscient being watching over this game, completely impartial, but totally ready to intervene and effect the outcome if one random fan somewhere starts celebrating before it's officially over? This one bullshit game. And never mind that there are tens of thousands of other people watching this game, any one of whom could prematurely chalk it up as a win and thus incur the wrath of whatever being it is that monitors such things, causing him/her/it to change the outcome just to spite us.
Stu shrugs.
Cliff: It's kind of hilarious how, I don't know, absurd and arrogant that is, if you think about it. To think that of all the people in the world watching this game, you alone are the one that has the power to jinx it.
Stu: Ain't over til it's over. That's all I'm saying.
Cliff: OK, I know this is probably going to piss you off, but (Stands up and shouts) We won! We won! Game over! There's no way we're not walking away from this one as losers! (Sits down again) Oh, and watch this. I'm sending the text to Dan right now.
Stu: You're tempting fate.
Cliff: Here it goes. Hitting send. Oh my God.
Stu: You're a dick, man. I swear to God, if we lose . . .
Cliff: Dude, if we lose I'll suck your dick, OK?
Stu: Eww. Jesus.
Cliff: Just saying. I mean, the game's over. We won. I promise.
Elsewhere in the universe, on another plane of existence, the wrong/right omniscient being sees it all.
Twenty minutes later, Cliff is blowing Stu in the men's room when he receives a text from Dan, taunting him over the Yankees' epic 9th inning meltdown.