July 22 - An Apology to the Residents of Sunny Hills Apartments from the Resident in Apartment 3G

Howdy neighbors!

It's me, Jimbo from apartment 3G, although after last night you might be tempted to call me Randy, you know, like in the Austin Powers sense of the word.
Yes, things got a little loud around apartment 3G last night (or as the ladies like to call it, "Screwtopia") and for that, I apologize. But seriously dawg, I was taking care of bidness last night, and the resulting loudness could not have been easy to sleep through. I promise: The next time I'm going to get my bone on, I'll try to give you a head's up so you can check into a hotel or at least put in some earplugs.
As if that would help.
No, but really, please understand that I didn't go out from my apartment last night with the intention of leading a nubile young woman to sexual nirvana. It just worked out that way. Seriously, if I'd had any idea that Brittany would end up being so, um, vocal, I never would have let her talk me into taking her back to Senor Jimbo's Casa Del Amor.
In hindsight, I should have known better. Arena football cheerleaders are generally an uninhibited lot to begin with, but Brittany was really something special. Girl had the tri fecta working: belly piercing, blond streaks, and a tramp stamp. Any one of those by itself is a ticket to booya(!), but then you get all three of them together and add a few Jager bombs to the concoction? The only advice I can give you is to hold onto your butt, thank your favorite God that you were born a man, and let the good times roll, my friends.
The only downside (for you, not me) is that in those situations things can tend to get loud, especially when I'm on the job. But just to put your mind at ease: No, she was not possessed by the devil. No, she was not giving birth. And no, she was not high on PCP.
She was just enjoying several hours (seriously, I'm like Sting up in this bitch) of class A, professional level boning, courtesy of yours truly. And when that happens, the first casualty is silence. Again, my apologies.
I'll try not to let it happen again, but no promises!
Anyway, see you around the building!

Best,

Jimbo