At 7:53 in the morning, Peter Spunkmeyer received the news that one Jorge Corvocado of Brazil had masturbated 27 times the previous day, smashing Peter's World Record of 25 completions in one day.
That's how fast it'd happened. That time yesterday, Peter had been in the record books, and then 24 hours later, he more or less held the distinction of being the second best masturbator in the world.
He'd always known this day would come. He just wished he could have lasted a bit longer on the top; it had been a hell of a ride: the endorsements, the stints as a celebrity judge in adult industry talent contests, a recurring column in Adult Entertainment News, recognition everywhere he went.
But now it was all over. That's how it worked. One minute he was sitting on top of the world--the master of his domain as it were. The next, some young up and comer (ahem) had jerked him off (hey now) his throne and he could already hear the people on the streets failing to know who he was.
"Hey, don't I know that guy from somewhere?"
"Nah, he's nobody special."
Peter was surprised at how quickly he accepted it. In a way, it was a relief. When you're on the top, everybody is gunning for you. NBA Champs? World Heavyweight title holders? Multi platinum recording artists? He felt their pain. It's nice to be number one, but it comes with a price--and a target on your head.
But no longer. Now, those were Jorge Corvocado's problems, and Peter wished him well. Maybe later on he would send Jorge a congratulatory email, but for now Peter concentrated on getting used to his new identity. Yesterday he was Peter Spunkmeyer, the Greatest Masturbator Alive. Today he was just some guy.
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