March 25 - WOLFF

You know what I wish they'd come out with? An Ultimate Fighting Championship for old women. Don't laugh, I'm serious.
My buddies and I were talking about this the other day and I think it would totally take off. You could call it World Old Lady Fighting Federation, or WOLFF.
WOLFF, fool! Try keeping a straight face when you tell me that's not totally badass. That's right, bitch. I didn't think so.
How it would work is it'd basically be just like UFC, except instead of guys you'd have old ladies from around the world stepping into the octagon and just getting rude with each other. No holds barred, no limits, no rules. What, like you wouldn't be all over watching some hard, wiry, leathery old woman from a hills tribe in Laos going toe to toe with a beefy, blue-haired recovering communist from the Ukraine? Shit would be off the freaking hook man, because these women--all of them--are as hard as nails: Mongolian yak herders, Romanian factory workers, Bulgarian collective farmers, Chinese hostess club managers, Peruvian mountain guides, Malian subsistence farmers. What do all of these women have in common? Everything up until now--their whole existence--has essentially been a training program that has shaped them into hard nosed, hard assed, no nonsense survivors and ass whoopers of the highest magnitude. And if someone was like, Andy, would you ever mess with any of these women, you know what I'd say? I'd be all, Hell no, dude.
And that's just the women who have had work outside the home. That's before you tap into the unlimited reserves of badassery that exist in any pocket of the world where women do the heavy lifting for their households (i.e. pretty much everywhere). You see, a woman's work is like a master's course in stepping up and doing what needs to be done, and I can't be the only one out there who thinks the time is long overdue for these women to have a forum for putting their ass kicking skills to work. Enough screwing around. Let's make this happen because it would kick so much ass.
Seriously: If you put all the hardest, toughest, meanest old ladies from around the world into one fighting league, who do you think would win?
I'll tell you: The audience, dude. The audience.
Dig me hard on this one, kiddies: They are WOLFF. And it is time to hear them roar.