March 12 - Product Launch

Steve Jobs walks onto the stage wearing his trademark jeans, sneakers, and tucked in long sleeved black T-shirt. The gathered press and company higher-ups applaud enthusiastically. Jobs' movements are broadcasted on a huge screen behind him. He addresses the audience.
"Ladies and gentlemen, for well over half a century, we have been under the impression that our concept of the vacuum cleaner is as good as it's ever going to get."
He switches on the vacuum cleaner that has been pushed out to center stage. The audience laughs as he shouts to be heard over it. "This bulky, clumsy, hulking, loud machine that knocks into your furniture and takes up a lot of space, and--let's be honest--doesn't even do that great of a job cleaning your floors--"he switches off the vacuum"--is outdated.
"It's time, ladies and gentlemen, to reimagine the vacuum. The vacuum should be light. Small. Sleak. Voice commanded. And modern." As he speaks, his words flash up on the screen behind him in bullet points.
"It should integrate seemlessly into the existing cleaning framework of your household and make your life simpler and tidier.
"The vacuum of the future should make dust a thing of the past.
"It should.
"And it will.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the iSuck."
The audience applauds as a protoype of the iSuck is brought out and handed to Jobs.
"The iSuck works both as a stand alone vacuuming unit and as a manually controlled cleaner. Its built in GPS navigational system enables it to cover the entire surface area of your house without you lifting a finger, but of course if you want control it, you also have that option. It interfaces with your iPhone, iBook, iPod, iPad and also responds to voice commands."
He demonstrates by crushing a fun-sized bag of chips and dumping them on the floor and then setting the iSuck down where it sets to work vacuuming up the chips.
"Now, as you can hear--or actually, as you can't hear--the iSuck is quieter than a ninja sneaking around a library; however, you can download "cleantones" from the iTunes store that let your iSuck project the sounds of classic vacuums from history and pop culture, such as the '52 Hoover, the '84 Dustbuster, and Rosie from the Jetsons. You can also download thousands of apps to your iSuck, enabling it to both learn and teach dance moves, respond to voice commands in more than 100 different languages, and communicate with other iSucks that are in its network.
"The iSuck is now available as the iSuck Classic which retails for $599. This summer we will introduce the iSuck 3G which will be lighter and thinner, come with mopping capabilities, and retail for $799.
"We fully expect the iSuck to blow conventional vacuums away.
"Thank you for your time."