January 7 - The Thais That Bind

Two roundtrip tickets to Thailand: $3800
A week's stay at a resort in Phuket: $1500
Hearing your father tell the Thai ladyboy prostitute he's hired for the weekend that he would like to eat the peanuts out of his shit: Priceless.
My dad's annual trips to Thailand are both the cause of and the reward for my parents' divorce. For several years prior to the divorce, he'd been going there once a year for business--and pleasure, as it turned out. He kept the pleasure side of it a secret from my mom for a surprisingly long time, but the game was up five years ago when she got the clap out of the blue and he was the only man she'd ever slept with.
Oops.
Their divorce was quick and relatively amicable, under the circumstances.
Since then, he's been taking me along with him on his trips to Thailand. I guess he's going through some sort of Cat's in the Cradle thing. Whatever. As long as he pays my way, I'm not going to ask too many questions.
But the ladyboy thing is kind of weird. And first of all, don't get me wrong: I don't have a problem with it. I mean, if he's got a thing for ladyboys, that's cool with me. Seriously. I'm not into it, but whatever.
But it's the way he always acts so surprised when he "discovers" that she is a he. That's what gets me. Every time we're at the bar and I try to tell him that the chick he's talking to is actually a dude, he won't listen. "You're out of your mind," he always says. "This chick is gorgeous."
And then the next morning, he tries to blame it on the booze and he always comes up with some joke, like, "Well, turns out you were right after all. Looks like the phad Thai wasn't the only noodle I put in my mouth last night. He, he!" or "Wow, first we had tom ka guy and then I ended up with tom some other guy." He was big on food jokes. "Listen to me: No matter how hard I beg you tonight, do not let me drink that much again. Ha, ha. Now, who wants coffee?"
The funny thing is he'll never admit he's gay. He always plays it off like it was no big deal, like, what guy doesn't go on vaction and accidentally wake up with a hangover and a transgender/transvestite prostitute in his bed? To him it's on the same level as forgetting to use sunscreen and then getting a sunburn.
I've long since stopped trying to have a real conversation about it with him. It's just part of our routine now. We go on vacation, he makes references to girlfriends back in Detroit that I never see pictures of, we visit the go-go bars, and then, whoops, he does it again.
I don't think soliciting ladyboy prostitutes makes my dad a bad guy, though. I mean, I know it's not a good thing. But he's generally a decent guy. He works hard, he still takes care of mom, and, I don't know, he's a good guy.
Besides, our annual trips to Thailand aren't just about him sleeping with another batch of ladyboys. We do other stuff, too. This past year we went snorkeling. It was fun.