January 22 - The Morning After

I rolled over in my bed and faced the window, confirming the following: 1) Yes, I had a hangover, and 2) once again I'd come home with a horse.
Shit.
I lay in bed watching the massive, magnificent beast dozing contentedly beside me, the blankets rising and falling rhythmically with her silent breathing.
God, I'm pathetic.
The details of how this had come about yet again weren't important. What was important was trying to get her out of there before my roommate woke up and found out--if he didn't already know, which, let's not kid ourselves, was unlikely. Have you ever tried to drunkenly sneak a horse into a second floor apartment? It's not easy. The horse doesn't understand what's going on. You keep trying to shush her, but she doesn't know what that means. She just keeps running into everything and knocking stuff over, which, when you're drunk is freaking hilarious, but not really. You try to ply her with apples but that doesn't help because man are they loud eaters. And God help you if she starts to shy. God help you if she gets spooked. In my last place, this one filly did not like my cell phone ring one bit and she went totally hog wild, bucking and kicking like there was no tomorrow. Suffice it to say I did not get my security deposit back on that place.
The hooves of the massive steed stuck out under the blanket and I nudged her gently.
Nothing.
This one, a mare by the looks of her, was out like a light, which made sense now that the details of last night were starting to come back to me. She'd been a wild ride, that one, and ha-ha, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like that. Nobody ever believes me when I tell them it's not sexual, but I swear it's not. And yeah, sure, I only bring female horses back, but whatever. Nothing ever happens. I just like sleeping with them, like, literally sharing my bed with them. Sometimes people ask me about that. They say, "How can you want to sleep with a horse?" And you know what I say?
"How can you not?"
I know it's wrong. Believe me, I know it's wrong. I know "society" frowns upon it, but I can't help myself. They're such beautiful, majestic creatures. What could be more natural than wanting to drift off to dreamland nuzzled up next to one of them and then wake up and have it be just the two of you?
This one here? I honestly thought she'd never settle down. She didn't want to leave her stall at first, but once I got her out of there, she was hell on four hooves, I tell you. And quite the jumper.
Even though it was really late, we had to take back roads to avoid traffic because drunken night riding on a stolen horse is something I'd rather not have to try to talk my way out of again. When we got back to my place she was still pretty keyed up, so I had to graze her in a flower bed down the street. That usually calms them down. Worked this time at any rate. Maybe a little bit too well. She had a really hard time getting up the stairs. She kept misstepping and running into the walls, but eventually we made it. I mean, obviously, right? She's in my bed.
Oh God, another horse is in my bed.