January 24 - Across the Border

You'd be surprised how easy it is to get into North Korea. Seriously. The whole DMZ is sealed off by a chain link fence with barbed wire on the top, but there's this one gate out in the mountains that they often forget to lock.
I was taking a walk near the border the first time I noticed it. There was nobody else around--just miles and miles of fence, a bunch of mountains and rocks, a couple of broken down abandoned buildings, and this unmanned gate.
I went up to it and pushed on it and it opened. I was expecting all these guards to come out of nowhere and start yelling at me but nothing happened, so I decided to go through it just so I could say I'd been in North Korea.
At first I just stepped across the border and then jumped back really quick like I was going to get zapped by a laser or something, but then I decided I was being ridiculous. There were no lasers anywhere. Hell, it didn't even look like there were any cameras, so I stepped back over into North Korea, and I wasn't really sure what I should be doing so I just started doing this little Hey everybody, I'm in North Korea dance. At first I felt really self conscious about it, but then I figured, whatever, nobody's watching, and I really got into it.
Anyway, I was going to go back, but then I figured I should take a picture or get something with North Korea written on it so I could prove I'd been there. The abandoned looking buildings weren't too far away, so I walked over to them.
The one building had this big portrait of Kim Il Sung on it and all these communist looking seals and Korean writing on it, and I was like, Damn, I can't believe it! I'm actually in North Korea. This is crazy!
I looked around for something I could take back with me, but there wasn't really anything outside except for the Kim Il Sung portrait and that was way too big. I looked in the windows of the building and although there some desks and other old furniture in there it definitely looked abandoned. I thought about going inside to see if there was anything cool in there, but I started feeling like I was pushing my luck and maybe I should get back. But then again, when was I going to be in North Korea again, right?
I decided I would go in, but first--really quick--I wanted to check to make sure the gate was still unoccupied. I poked my head around the corner.
Oh, crap.
There were about four guards there and they'd set up a table. A couple of people were at the gate showing them their papers so they could come in.
I had left my passport at home. I was illegally in North Korea without my passport.
I didn't have any sort of plan, but I sort of just walked up to the gate and tried to go through unnoticed, like, Oh, don't mind me, just passing through.
One of the guards stopped me and asked me (in English) to see my passport.
"Oh," I told them, "I'm here without a visa," as if that was an option. Like, No big deal. I'm here on the no visa plan.
"Passport," the one guard repeated, the word sounding at once like a question, a command, and an accusation.
"Um, yeah," I checked my pockets again like the passport might have magically appeared there. No. "Sorry, I must have left it in my car." I laughed a little to disarm the situation, but it didn't catch on.
"Country of origin?"
"Country of--? Oh, I'm American."
"Why you come here?"
It was a good question, actually, and one for which I was having a hard time finding an answer. I started babbling.
"Yeah, I was, um, hiking here and I saw this gate and I just kind of figured I would check it out because, you know, who wouldn't want to visit North Korea? I mean, well, probably a lot of people wouldn't, he he. But, I mean, no. Not that it's not a great place, I'm sure it is. Probably very misunderstood too. Certainly by me, at least because how many people have I met who've been here? And--"
Graciously, he cut me off with a wave of his hand while he consulted with his partners. Honestly, what the hell was I talking about back there?
The four guards went off to the side and huddled, leaving the gate unattended. Could I make a run for it? South Korea was right through that gate but it may as well have been miles away. These guys had guns.
I put my hands in my pockets and found my wallet. Opened it. There wasn't nearly enough money in there to bribe them. Was there? Maybe there was. What were the going rates for bribery anyway? And how did that even work? Who initiated the exchange? Was I supposed to just slip him a $20 while shaking his hand?
The spokesman cut in and was about to talk but then he noticed my wallet. Oh crap, here it comes.
"Who is she?" He was pointing at my wallet.
"Her? Oh, that's my girlfriend."
"I see," he said, with a sort of give me hand motion.
"Oh, sure. Hold on."
I handed him the picture, and the other men crowded around speaking Korean and laughing. One of them made a hand gesture I'd never seen before but didn't feel was one I'd want to repeat to my mother. The other people standing around the gate were forgotten. The gate itself was forgotten.
"Um, could I?" I interrupted them trying to get the picture back. They all but ignored me, except for the spokesman who made a kind of I'm going to keep this gesture with the picture and waved me through the gate. Apparently some sort of agreement had just been made. I nodded and started walking past them, and the whole time I was walking through the gate, I kept expecting one of them to put his hand on my shoulder and say, "Not so fast" or something like that, but they didn't. One of them even waved goodbye when I turned around.
At the time, it felt like I'd dodged one hell of a bullet by sneaking into North Korea and then being allowed to leave just by giving the guards my girlfriend's picture, but now it kind of doesn't feel like it was that big of a deal.
Anyway, that was a couple of weeks ago. I've been back to that spot a few times since then and the gate is still usually unlocked.
People tell me I'm crazy when I tell them I want to go back inside North Korea again someday, but I don't know. Everything worked out fine last time, and I really want to check out that big weird ass hotel in Pyongyang. Besides, I've got a lot of pictures of my girlfriend. Maybe I could even have her put some of her perfume on a few.