December 31 - Last Supper

New Year's Eve. No time. Already late, but a shower, change of clothes, and a fucking faster than hell bite to eat had to be done.
Food first. He opened the refrigerator.
A disaster. Absolutely fuck all to eat.
Fuck my ass.
But wait.
What's that?
Cold fried chicken in the back of the second shelf.
Yes.
He reached for it.
Hold on. When was the last time I had chicken?
Valuable seconds ticked off the clock.
Was it this week? Last week?
Last month?
He stood in front of the refrigerator wondering.
Minutes melted away.
He scrunched up his face in concentration.
Fried chicken.
The sun had long since set. More and more lights went on outside. The town was coming to life.
On the other side of town, She was finishing getting ready.
Third date tonight. All kinds of vibes on dates one and two. Sex tonight for sure.
Sex for fucking sure.
Fuck it. It's fine.
The first bite told him otherwise. Second bite, too, and every other bite until he'd ripped his way through it like a shark that swam in on a seal fucking his wife.
And the chicken had tasted off, there was no doubt about it.
But it was fried. How bad could it have been?
No time to ponder. Into the shower. Hot water. Steamier than hell. Not mixing well with the caffeine from earlier. Definitely not mixing well with the chicken.
He focused on his date and fought through the doubts that were starting to creep in. Was the chicken a mistake?
He turned off the water and started drying off.
How freaking old was it?
Dizziness and nausea. Things slowed down. Everything moved cartoonishly slow. There were trails. The Axe Body Spray slipped out of his hands and crashed on the floor and he was powerless to stop it.
Everything was in slow motion.
His stomach turned to lead. Then his arms and legs did, too.
Just a second to sit.
It didn't help. The room spun. And then went black.
He was out.
Hours passed.
And then the dreams started.
They were all over the map.
Suicidal whales, kindergarten unicycle gangs, Mongolian night stalkers, wild west zombie killers, serial killer jaw transplants, plastic bubble wrap men, vegetable cows, Korean gangsters the size of whales, feuding Palestinian and Jewish rappers, Catholic High School Girls in Trouble, Chinese cyberterrorists, messengers from the sky, Russian house sitters, talking dogs, vampires, long lost heirs to the Japanese throne, an orchestra of hobos, orcs, bloodbaths, fish tacos, homeless punching bags, fighting leagues for old ladies from around the world, mind reading flight attendants, fat suits, washed up former masturbation champs, sleeping pills, funky presidents, time travelers, haiku hustlers, bastard warriors, castaways, Gypsy curses, catatonic seers, and bridges.
The dreams kept coming and he kept sleeping.
Dream after dream after dream after dream.
African rock star prophets, post-apocalyptic herbivores, baseball dads, talking mustaches, talking assholes, talking penises, magic pens, heroes, single women, advice dispensing pirates, illegally employed undead, dog racing monkeys, clown bars, running bachelorettes, jinxes, Bible thumpers, Amish rock stars, good deeds, iMotions, prehistoric killer bees, stressed out jazz musicians, domineering deer, ass kicking boy band back-up dancers, races against incontinence, assassination schools for mixed race orphans, birthing resorts, insufferable bastards, Zoobomb Turks, underground paintball circuit champs, restaurateurs, hecklers, inter species romances, lameasses, Spanish wine-making giantesses, breakfast burritos, pillow fuckers, heists gone right, baby proofers, parallel universes, final shots, aliens in border towns, and roaches.
The dreams kept coming.
Pranks gone wrong, long legs, father son trips to Reno, mouse ballets, bear ticklers, make-up artists, sausage hiders, glove makers, penis thieves, cho pos, one hit wonders, Rush cover bands, karaoke kings, fish 'n' chips jackasses, haunted strip malls, Turkey sand witches, death trains, meetings with Satan, neckless bastards, Ozzy Ozbourne, magic tots, boxing nuns, lesbian vampire killers, selfish shellfish, semicolons, a baby named Maya, and a shit ton more.
There didn't seem to be an end to the dreams, but then suddenly there was.
The dreams stopped.
By the time he woke up, the night was over, the sun was up, and the new year had begun.