December 16 - Catholic High School Girls in Trouble

They called themselves Catholic High School Girls in Trouble: Susan Pandolphi on bass and vocals, Diane D'Antoni on lead guitar, Vicki Delfino on rhythm guitar, and Rhonda Van Lear on drums. All four of them were juniors at Sacred Mary of the Rose High School for Girls by day, and ass kicking, hard rocking Catholic missionaries by night.
They were one of the more unlikely success stories to come out of Detroit's underground rock scene, garnering a sizable following for their blistering punk rock renditions of What a Friend We Have in Jesus, Rock of Ages, Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art, and other mainstays of the hymnal.
At around the time when most of their classmates were just getting their driver's licenses, they were getting paid gigs at many of Detroit's all ages clubs, sharing the bill with the most random assortment of acts imaginable; country, punk, hip hop, spoken word, you name it.
They would hit the stage dressed in their Catholic school uniforms, at first out of convenience (after basketball practice, they would change back into their uniforms and go directly to the clubs) and later as their trademark, and it caught on. After only six months of playing together, the Catholic High School Girls had graduated from supporting act to headliners.
But unfortunately for them, their popularity at rock clubs translated to scandal within the hallowed halls of Sacred Mary. Catholic school girls? At a rock club? On a school night? It was an outrage.
Father Michael O' Shannon, the principal of Sacred Mary wouldn't hear it when they insisted that their punk rock takes on the hymnal, while admittedly unorthodox, were completely sincere. The girls were Catholics first and foremost. Punk rock was just how they celebrated God's glory.
But Father Michael didn't see it that way. All he could see were dark clubs, cigarette smoke, and lust. After very little deliberation, he expelled all four of them for tarnishing the uniform of Sacred Mary.
In the wake of their expulsion, the girls were at first devastated and confused, and then later on, enraged. So much so that the four of them got together and ran away from home, going all the way to Chicago where they resettled.
It was there that, equating Catholicism with Father Michael's harsh punishment, they decided that they didn't really care for their chosen faith anymore. And then, lashing out at the church that they felt had forsaken them, the girls went secular and reinvented themselves as The Cover Girls.
Gone were the school uniforms and punk hymns. In their stead were thrift store prom dresses and badly smeared on make-up, with each girl adopting the identity of their least favorite diva. Susan became Celine Dion, Diane became Whitney Houston, Vicki became Mariah Carey, and Rhonda became Britney Spears, and together they played scorching blues punk cover versions of those women's songs.
And very quickly they developed a following, playing bigger and bigger clubs--and not only all ages clubs, but 21 and over clubs as well.
Which was at least partially the reason why for the first time in their career, they began partying. Just a little at first, but then more and more.
And then more and more on top of that.
And within a year, they had followed the typical, predictable Behind the Music career trajectory down to rock bottom and were strung out, broke, and destitute.
And that's when Sister Roberta Franklin found them.
A high school softball prodigy turned junkie turned nun turned PE teacher at Sacred Mary, Sister Roberta had always been sympathetic to anyone who wasn't afraid to follow her own path. And although she had never taught the girls herself--and had certainly never ventured out to any of their shows--she had secretly been cheering for them throughout their fledgling careers as the Catholic High School Girls in Trouble. And bitterly upset at how unfairly she felt the girls had been kicked out of school, she had tracked them down and dragged them out of the gutter.
She helped them into rehab.
She got them treatment.
She helped them learn to stand again, and they were so grateful for the positive attention and help from someone from the church that they felt it was a new beginning for their relationship with Catholicism.
In fact, the Girls went so far in the opposite direction of the partying extremes they had gone to with the Cover Girls that they joined a convent and became nuns.
But the musical bug was still there, and it always would be. Fortunately for them, the head of their convent was very open minded (and open eared) about reaching out to people in new and unusual ways. And so when the inspiration hit for them to create a third manifestation of their cover band, the convent was behind it 100% of the way.
They called themselves Nuns 'N' Rosaries, and they refashioned Guns 'N' Roses' biggest hits so that they were pro God, pro Jesus anthems.
Welcome to the Jungle became Welcome to the Kingdom.
Sweet Child O' Mine became Sweet Son O' God.
And so on.
And they were big. Maybe not Cover Girls big, but big enough to use their weight to put together a traveling Christian alt. music festival that they dubbed Christapalooza. All genres of Christian music were represented:
Christian jam band Loaves and Phishes was there.
So were Christian rock giants Crown of Thorns.
And Christian rappers MC Mark and The God Squad.
And Christian funkateers The Disciples.
And Amish Farmer Core behemoths the Harvesters of Redemption.
The lineup went on and on. There were even a few Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, and Unitarian acts, all rocking out under the inclusive banner that proclaimed There are many paths to the Kingdom of God.
And Susan, Diane, Vicki, and Rhonda were right there at the forefront of it all, headlining the biggest Christian alt. music festival in the country. Not bad for a bunch of former Catholic High School Girls in Trouble.