December 13 - Artificial Intelligence

Sometimes when I feel like being a dick I'll replace my robot's face with a keyboard and its torso with a monitor, so the only way it can communicate with me is by typing on its face and then getting my attention somehow and trying to make me read its torso monitor.
And it's totally hilarious because every time it wheels itself in front of me, I'll turn around or look the other way and do everything I can to not see it, and it's so dumb it never gets mad. It just keeps trying until I finally get bored and read what it has to say and tell it to learn to spell already and then go through the whole thing again when it types this really apologetic and over polite message telling me that it's pretty sure it what it wrote spelled correctly but sorry anyway.
This one time I even replaced my robot's face with this antique manual typewriter from the late 20th century I found. You know, like the kind where you put paper in it? Yeah, so like I reconfigured it so it was adaptable with the robot's mainframe, and then replaced the robot's face with it, and it was classic because the dumb ass robot kept on fumbling around trying to get some paper so it could type up a response to whatever idiotic question I'd thought of and then hand me the paper even though I kept pretending not to see him. God, it was hilarious.
Seriously, the awsomest thing about robots is they seem like they're smart, but it's so easy to make them look stupid. And they never get mad at you about it, like ever.
Which is kind of funny if you think about it, because like every science fiction movie in the history of anything is all about how robots can't effing wait to rise up against Mankind and enslave us and shit, but in reality they're just a stupid bunch of sissies.
And that even goes for when they fight. Seriously, dog. Even when they fight they're sissies, which doesn't make any sense, but it's true.
Like this one time, I made two of my robots fight it out because I thought it might be badass or something, but no. All that happened was they ran into each other, and then it looked like they were slow dancing, and then there were some sparks and smoke, and they both broke down, and I ended up with this big ass repair bill. Completely lame. Maybe I should have given them weapons or something.
I heard they got these sexbots over in Japan. And I'm like, if those don't get up and rebel against their owners, it's never gonna happen. First of all, they're Japanese, so you gotta figure they're top of the line. And on top of that, their sole reason for existence is to sexify a bunch of geeks who can't get a real woman? Dude, if a robot facing that kind of situation day in day out doesn't get all Rise of the Machines on you, it ain't happening. It's just not.
Dude, this one time? This one time, I told my robot to tie its shoes together and clean the house. And it did! God, it was awesome. I kept on putting stuff in its way so it would trip and fall, and it never got mad. Not once. Seriously, if a robot's self esteem is so low you can get it to do that, there's no way it's ever gonna get up the gumption to join up with a bunch of other robots and enslave the human race. No way.