December 17 - Surprise Me With a Christmas Goose, Johnson!

Christmas season is upon us, Johnson.
Yes, sir.
Have you any plans for the holiday, Johnson? A quiet night in the quarters perhaps? A hot toddy and some thoughtful reflections on the triumphs and lessons of the past year?
Something like that, sir.
Very good, Johnson. Very good indeed. Nothing like a spot of the old reflection to bring another year to a close.
Yes, sir.
I too tend to go in for that sort of thing as well.
Oh, sir?
You seem surprised, Johnson. Do you think it incongruous that a man of action can also be a man of thought?
No, sir.
I've always been of the mind that a man must be equal parts words and action--both bolstered by a steady diet of contemplation and thoughtfulness. Remember that, Johnson.
Yes, sir.
Remember that, and you'll go far, old boy.
Thank you, sir.
While we're on the subject of the Yule season, I've been meaning to tell that I'd like you to surprise me with a Christmas goose, Johnson.
Sir?
Did I speak too softly, Johnson?
No, sir.
Did I perhaps stutter in some way?
No, sir.
Then why, Johnson? Why the tenor of dismay in your voice? The bestowing of a hearty Christmas goose is a tradition that goes way back in my family.
Yes, sir.
And I should like to carry on this tradition, Johnson. That is, assuming you don't mind?
Of course not, sir.
Damn it, Johnson! I was being sarcastic. Is your generation not able to tell the difference?
Terribly sorry, sir.
Oh, nonsense. Nonsense, I say! Put it behind you, Johnson. Put it behind you for God's sake.
Thank you, sir.
Now, about this Christmas goose. Are your instructions clear?
Sir?
Your instructions, man. I want you to surprise me with a Christmas goose. Just like the ones I knew and loved and cherished as a child. But it must be a surprise, Johnson. That part is key. You must deliver this Christmas goose at a time when I am not expecting it. When I'm not expecting it in the least. Is that clear to you, Johnson?
I believe so, sir.
Very good, Johnson. Top notch, old boy. You may just be officer material after all.
Thank you, sir.
But do lose that insufferable blushing, Johnson. Blushing is something I will not abide. Not even for a moment!
Of course not, sir.
Yes, now. That's more like it. Why, when I was getting my start in the corps, I--Damn it, Johnson! Do explain to me what the devil that was, and do it on the double, man.
I---
Spit it out, Johnson! Spit it out or I will see you in the stockades within the hour. Doubt whatever you will, Johnson, but do not doubt that.
Well, sir--
Yes?
You said you wanted me to surprise you with a Christmas goose, sir.
Damn it, Johnson! Not that kind of goose!