August 9 - FAQs

Is that what you're wearing tonight?
Um, apparently not.

Do these pants make me look fat?
Yeah, but I likes me a big ass. Get over here. Rrrr!

Do you think that girl over there is pretty?
God, yeah! Why, do you? Do you think she'd be into a three-way? Because I could ask. Oh, come on. You know I'm kidding.
But seriously, do you?

Do you want to see what else is on?
Not really, no. But I'm going to feel self conscious if I insist on watching WWE Monday Night RAW, so go ahead and change it, I guess.

Which outfit do you think looks better, this one or this one?
Oh, Jesus. I don't know. I haven't been able to figure out your tell on this one yet. Um, the first one . . . right?

Were you planning on keeping this in here forever, or can I throw it away?
What is that, last spring's General Tso's chicken? Yeah, I guess that can probably go, but let me have a moment alone with it first.

What is "West Coast Productions"? It's on our Visa statement.
I don't know. Let me see that . . . Oh, yeah. You know what that is? It's, uh, something I was doing for work. Nothing interesting. Don't worry about.

Who was she?
Oh, her? We work together . . . and we kind of went out for a while. A few times. We went out, um, twice I think it was.

When were you planning on telling me about her?
I'm telling you now.

Right, I can see that. But when were you planning on telling me about her?
I never mentioned her before? Wow, that's weird. Don't worry about her. We're like so over.

Do you think she's prettier than me?
Don't be silly.

Don't be silly why? Because of course she is or of course she isn't?
Silly, because of course she isn't. Come on, you're being jealous and paranoid.

Am I?
Yes, you are. But you're cute when you're jealous. Meow!

Is that a joke? Are you trying to be funny?
I haven't decided yet.