August 3 - Come at Me With This Knife, Johnson!

Come at me with this knife, Johnson.
Sir?
You heard me, Johnson. Attack me. No hesitations. No mercy. No restraint.
Begging your pardon sir, but--
Dammit, Johnson! Your role in this is not to question my orders but to execute them!
Of course, sir.
Then enough with this patter, Johnson. On with the task then.
Right away, sir.
---
Well then?
Terribly sorry, sir.
Would you like me to attack you first, Johnson? Is that what this is all about?
Not at all, sir.
Afraid you might hurt me then? Is that it, Johnson? Do you question my ability to defend myself against a subordinate?
Of course not, sir.
It may surprise you to learn that you are not the first man whose blows I will have parried. I'll have you know I was holding my own in all manners of hand to hand combat when you were failing to hold your own against a diaper.
Very good, sir.
Are we understood then, Johnson?
Yes, sir.
Then enough of this mucking about, Johnson. Carry out the order with which you have been tasked.
Yes, sir . . . Are you ready, sir?
Dammit, Johnson!
Sorry, sir. OK, here it comes, sir . . . Agh.
Good Lord in heaven, Johnson. What was that?
Sir?
If that is your idea of an attack, then I do fear for the future of my beloved republic.
Terribly sorry, sir.
Do you think me a feeble old man, Johnson? Is that it? Incapable of fighting off the attacks of someone less than half my age?
Of course not, sir.
Understand this, Johnson: You may have me in the youth department. I'll readily grant you that. But experience trumps youth in any contest, Johnson. Any contest at all! Understand that and you'll have taken your first step.
Yes, sir.
Would you like to try again, Johnson?
Yes, sir.
There you go, Johnson. That's the old fighting spirit. All right then. Attack at will! Come at me with all you've got, old boy. This old man will be more than ready, don't fret about that.
Yes, sir.
No warnings necessary, Johnson. You've got to be ready at any time. You see, a good soldier never lets his guard down, Johnson. Why, in my early--
AGH!!!!!
My God, Johnson! Have you gone completely mental?
Sir?
You damn near took my ear off!
Very sorry, sir.
For God's sake, man! Do wait until I've finished talking before you try to take my head off--if you don't mind, that is. Assuming that jibes with your murderous M.O.?
Terribly sorry, sir.
Good God, Johnson. You came damn close to making a shish kabob of my eyeball--though I must say you demonstrated quite a bit of spirit there.
Thank you, sir.
Yes indeed, Johnson. Quite a bit of verve indeed.
Thank you, sir.
Though I don't recall anyone telling you to smile, Johnson.
Of course not, sir.
Yes indeed, Johnson. You're coming along quite nicely. Quite--
AGH!!!
Oh that's quite enough of that, Johnson.
Very good, sir.