August 6 - Making Amends

I'm not sure which of us feels more awkward about what happened this morning.
Just forget about it, really.
If it were only that easy.
Seriously, just forget about it. Honestly. I have.
I find that hard to believe.
It's true.
If you've really forgotten about it, how do you know we're talking about the same thing?
Just--I've moved on. It happened. No need to dwell on it.
Maybe not for you, but I still feel weird. Your door was ajar, I poked my head in . . .
I know. You've explained yourself. I understand. Seriously, it wasn't intentional. I know I screamed, but that was just out of shock more than anything else. Really, don't give it another thought.
Really.
That's sweet of you, but I can't let it go that easily. I mean, it was only a fraction of a second, but you were . . .
I know.
I mean, not a stitch.
I know. I was there, too.
Full frontal.
Yep.
And I have a photographic memory.
Really, I don't know how else to tell you: Let it go. I know you're trying to make me more comfortable about this, but it's having the opposite effect.
I know, and I apologize. Again. But I think I know why you're uncomfortable.
It's because you're still talking about this after I've told you I don't know how many times to stop.
No . . .
Yes . . .
No, it's because this exchange has been one-sided so far.
Wh--? No. No, seriously.
Yes. The only reason why you can't stop talking about this is because I've seen you, but you haven't seen me.
It's really not. Look, seriously, I'm--
No. Now, listen. I've made up my mind, and you're not talking me out of this. Neither of us is going to be comfortable again until you've seen me naked.
I'm closing my door now.
Not yet, just wait.
Goodbye.
Hold on.
--SLAM--
--Knocking--
Go away.
Not until you open the door.
This is me calling the police.
Look, I'm just as uncomfortable with this as you, but the sooner we get this over with the better off we're going to be.
It's ringing.
OK, I'm ready for my close-up.
. . .
Just one glance and this will all be over.
Yes? Hi, this is Madeline Branford at 17 Lakeshore Drive, apartment 2B. I'd like to report a case of indecent exposure? . . . Male, late 20s, six foot . . . ish. Yes . . . Outside my front door . . . Long story . . . OK, great. Thank you.
They'll be here in five minutes!
This could be over in five seconds if you would just open your door.
Going back to my living room to wait for the police now.
You don't even have to open the door. Just look through the peephole . . . Hello? Are you still there?
. . .
OK, I really think you're being stubborn about this. We could have had this resolved a long time ago, but now we'll just have to deal with it later . . . Hello?
. . .
OK, I'm getting dressed now.
. . .
--Knocking--
Is this the police?
Yes, ma'am. You can open your door now.
Good one. Could you let me know when they arrive?
It's OK, I'm dressed now.
OK.
I'm serious. You can open the door.
OK, I will.
. . .
Hello?
Hi.
I thought you said you were going to open the door.
I will.
I swear to you I'm completely dressed.
Good to hear.
So you can open the door and see.
No, thanks.
You're going to be pretty embarrassed when the police arrive to arrest a fully clothed man for indecent exposure.
No doubt.
Look, I'm trying to help you.
And I appreciate it.
Please, would you just open the door so we can talk about it?
Guess not.
OK, look. Just look out the peephole, OK? You'll be able to see that I'm dressed. Please, I'm starting to feel like a perv out here . . . OK. Tell you what. I'll stand so you can see me from the shoulders up. That way you'll be able to tell I'm dressed.
If I do, will you go away?
Yes.
Promise?
Yes.
OK. I swear to God, if you're lying to me.
I'm not. Seriously.
OK, here I go . . . There. Yes, you're dressed.
You didn't look!
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.
How do you know? Unless you're not dressed.
. . .
Well?
Shit.