Seriously, girl.
Every time I say anything even close to double entendre-ish, he looks at me with this sly grin. And then I have no idea where it comes from, but there's just this Wah wah wah wah music, and then it's "Let me love you" this and "Let's get it on" that, and, seriously, I apologize for complaining about my man giving me too much loving and too much attention, but girl, some nights I just want to sleep.
But it ain't easy when your boyfriend is Marvin Gaye. I swear that man takes everything I say as a signal. Like the other night, it was legitimately hot in our apartment. And as kind of a prelude to suggesting we turn on the air, I'm like, "Marvin, do you feel hot?"
Big mistake.
He gives me this Oh no you didn't look and then the Wah wah wah wah music comes on and, well, you know the rest. And I swear I'm not complaining. OK, I guess I kind of am complaining, but still. I can't say anything when he's around because he'll take it that way. Seriously, I keep a list of words I cannot say in his presence. Want to hear them? Bed, hot, wet, position, take, give, wash, enter, smooth, sleep, head, long, simmer, cook, smoke, back door--anyway, you get the idea. The man's a machine. Everything he hears, it makes him think of sex. And don't get me wrong, it was fine at first. Seriously, girl. It was fine. But now? Damn. Let a girl get some rest.
But the really weird part is the music. Girl, I have no idea where it comes from, if he has some sort of button he pushes or what. But any time I say anything that can be taken that way, it just comes out of nowhere. I'll just be like, "Can you put a little honey in my tea?" and then all of a sudden Wah wah wah wah. Or, "Could you crack a couple of eggs? I'm gonna make some bread." Wah wah wah wah. Or my favorite, "Don't go in the kitchen. I just mopped the floor." Wah wah wah wah. Girl, what on earth is sexual about mopping the floor? Nothing.
Ain't a damn thing.
Unless your man is Marvin Gaye.
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