May 31 - Maggie Responds

Well, Rod. I'm not really sure where to start.
How about with your snide little remark about how the morning sun really shows my age? Well, asshole, that's the thing about us cougars. We're older. And you want to know something? I'm fine with my age, and up until now I thought you were, too, but apparently not. Well, don't worry. You won't be seeing my wrinkled old ass anymore because I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You're a lot more replaceable than I am.
Speaking of which, what was that comment about you feeling like you're being used? Hey, jackass, let me clear up the uncertainty for you: YES, OK? Yes, you were being used. It's amazing to me how you can be so sensitive and so clueless at the same time. Yes, of freaking course you were being used. By me. Jesus, I thought that aspect of our relationship was kind of understood and we didn't need to taint it any further by talking about it explicitly, but I guess you disabused me of that idea. But one more time, just in case there's still any doubt, yes, I was using you. For sex. And (at least I thought) you were using me, too.
But maybe not. Suddenly you're talking about love, and to be honest, it's kind of scaring the bejesus out of me. Part of why I went for you in the first place was because I figured it would be purely physical--a nice fling to get us both through the summer. And I'll admit it was nice at first. But then you had to go and start throwing the L word around. "My love you didn't need to coax"? What the fuck is that anyway? Talking like Yoda when the fuck did you start?
Oh, and another thing: I lured you away from home? Hey, ass-eyes: You were home from college for the summer, and we went to my beach house a few weekends to bone. You make it sound like I took you against your will. Which, by the way, ain't exactly how you characterized it when you were talking to your friends on the phone. "Dude, she's a total milf." Yes, I heard you. I'm not that old and deaf, you know.
I'm sorry if I broke your heart, but you're young. You'll get over it. Go on now. Run along. Run on back to school. As you said, it's late September. Go back and chase all those college girls. They're more your speed anyway.
Oh, Jesus H. Christ, are you crying? Are you seriously crying? God, another one with mother issues. Is that it? I'm supposed to mother you on top of everything else? Screw that. Ain't happening. Go back to school, Rod. Go learn something, you freaking drama queen.
And tell that brother of yours to give old Maggie a call if he's going to be around this fall.