May 30 - Tonight

Woman, I hope you brought your toilet paper, because I intend to fuck the shit out of you tonight. I'm not even kidding either.
Did that come out nasty? If so, I apologize but I can't help it because I mean, damn, woman. You look good. You look so good I truly don't know whether to lay you down right here and now and make loud, nasty love to you, or just look at you and fill all my weren't-doing-nothing-important-anyhow brain cells with every element of you standing here before me so I will have a lifetime's worth of masturbatory fodder.
Seriously, girl.
Waiting time is over. It is time for us to do it. Girl, the dirtiest minds in the porn industry couldn't begin to imagine all the lurid things we're going to do tonight. In fact, if said minds were to see a video recording of the sexual acrobatics we are mere moments away from commencing, they would surely say to themselves, "Damn! And I thought we were the sexperts, but we're not. They are. My God, look at them go." By which they would be referring to us.
Yes, woman. We will be inventive tonight. Know that. We will use ladders, a swing set, roofing shingles, and a compost heap in the course of our lovemaking. A compost heap? Yes. God, yes.
The aforementioned props probably have you thinking that we will be doing it in the backyard, perhaps in or near the tool shed. How right you are, my intuitive little fuck bunny. But our sessions will not be limited to that part of our property. Oh, no. We will also do it indoors. In fact, we will do it in every room of my parents' house: All three bedrooms, all two and a half baths, and every other room in between, including the laundry room. It is here that I will wrap you up in Bounce dryer sheets and treat you like my own private sex mummy. And during this role play, I will ask you, "Who's your daddy?" And this will be especially clever because of the whole mummy/daddy thing.
But of course, there also exists the possibility that such a question will cross a line and ruin the moment, so we will have to play that one by ear.
Moving on, another place we will do it is in the basement, my lurid, steamy love dungeon. Girl, when we get there, I hope you still have some toilet paper left over because that place is going to make you shit yourself. Although it is not finished being remodeled yet, it definitely looks better than it did the last time you were there. For example, I vacuumed. However, don't think for a moment that that will stop us from getting it all dirty again (from us doing it), because we will totally do it all over the sectional sofa.
Maybe I should call it the sexional sofa! Yeah, dog!
We are also going to do it on my weight bench, as well as my abdominizer, assuming we can figure out a safe way to do so. If you are not too freaked out by it, I would also like to do it in front of an audience of my old Star Wars figures that I have stored in the basement.
Actually, now that I say that one out loud, I have to admit that it sounded better in my head. We will also play that one by ear.
But whether or not we end up doing that, tonight we are going to have the kind of sex that porn stars aspire to. We are going to do it until the breaka breaka dawn. Then, as the sun is dawning on a new day, we will do it again, assuming we are not too tired.
In summary: Sex. Tonight. You and me. And I promise I'll be better than last time.