Splash - Allen and Madison seem like they're headed for a wonderful life together under the sea; however, Madison's friends, none of whom speak a word of English, freaking hate Allen. He has a hell of a time learning Mermaidese, Madison gets tired of translating everything for him, and the sex is pretty much godawful because from the waist down she's a fucking fish.
Sleepless in Seattle - Deciding that ditching your fiance on a whim to stalk a guy you've never met isn't exactly the kind of behavior he's looking for in a life partner, Sam drops Annie like a bag of bad habits, becomes the president of a chain of mega-bookstores, and, in an absurdly complicated barrage of plot twists, ends up falling for an independent bookstore owner who looks exactly like Annie.
Dirty Dancing - Everyone is all smiles when Johnny Castle and Baby are having the time of their lives on the last night of the season at Kellerman's Resort. But nobody is smiling a year later when Baby's father shows up at the Kellerman's practice studio stinking drunk and on the warpath. As far as catch phrases go, "Nobody knocks up Baby" may never catch on like "Nobody puts Baby in the corner," but it sure makes an impression on the dirty dancers who are on hand to hear Baby's dad say it just before he clocks Johnny in the jaw.
Pretty Woman - What does the princess do after the prince rescues her? She gives him the clap and then unceremoniously takes the red eye back to LA and goes back to work.
16 Candles - Jake and Samantha stay together until the fall, but then Jake goes off to the University of Illinois where he spends the next four years taking care of plenty of hot, hot sorority ass. Samantha tries to rebound with Farmer Ted, but he's too busy making millions in software design. The Donger also gives her a miss, and she ends up marrying Farmer Ted's friend Bryce. But seeing as how Bryce is played by John Cusak, hey, not bad, Samantha.
Shallow Hal - The good news? Hal finally learns to accept the morbidly obese Rosemary for the beautiful-on-the-inside person she is. The bad news? Hal's acceptance of who she is only serves to enable her breathtakingly unhealthy lifestyle, and it'll be a shock if she hasn't been hospitalized for heart disease by the time you finish reading this story.
Say Anything - Diane Court goes away to college and tries to play the "open relationship/see other people" card, but Lloyd Dobbler ain't having it. Diane's roommates are less than enchanted when Lloyd shows up at her dorm and does his In Your Eyes boombox shtick. It takes five police officers to subdue him and he ends up getting 18 months for assault. However, the silver lining to this cloud is that Lloyd becomes the kickboxing champion of the county joint. So, you know, there's that.
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