September 26 - Barbarians at the Blood Bath

Well, gentlemen, let me be the first to say congratulations on a battle well fought. Future generations of Mixxleblurks will surely place our triumphs yesterday over the Heleglorths among the pantheon of all-time greatest victories.
There's no doubt we all stepped it up a notch today, both as individuals and--more importantly--as a group. We've really been coming together these last several rampages and I want you all to know how much I appreciate all your hard work. It's been a solid team effort.
But I would be remiss if I didn't send a special shout out to Olshraff for his truly evil axe work. Olshraff, yesterday you delivered the breakout performance we all knew you had in you. Just awesome. Well done. Everyone else? Remind me never to get on this guy's bad side! He he.
Anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here today.
Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. Ha ha.
No, but seriously, I wanted to gather all of you, my most esteemed battle mates, together today for a special kind of victory celebration that I know I've been dreaming about for a long time. And I have a feeling you have, too.
You see, we Mixxleblurks have always prided ourselves on having the best victory celebrations among any barbarian clan out there. Hell, our post-battle parties are fiercer than the battle conduct of most clans. Need I remind anyone of the bender we all went on after the Siege of Xaxilon? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, Flythgawn!
Well today, we're going to take things to a whole new level. For today, we shall bathe in the blood of our vanquished foes! Let us savor our victory by lounging in the very life blood that was oh so recently coursing through the veins of our bitterest of enemies!
What harsher humiliation could we deliver to the Heleglorths, what greater symbol of our triumph could we devise, what louder yawp could we trumpet to one and all about our total domination of the region than to soak our battle weary bones in the blood of our slain enemies! And then let the word go forth from this time on that the same grim fate awaits any and all clans that dare to enter our beloved Motherland. We will defeat you! And then we will bathe in your blood, just as we are about to do in the case of the Heleglorths!
No, really.
When I said we will bathe in their blood, I wasn't being hyperbolic. Check it out, my brothers: the Heleglorth Blood Bath.
It took me all last night and most of today to put this baby together, but what do you think?
And before you answer, bear in mind this is a work in progress. Still a lot that needs to be done, but I think you'll like where I'm going with the design. When I'm done, I'm thinking the railing will be lined with bones, and I'm thinking about putting in a skull shrine over there by the towel rack.
But in the meantime, this puppy is up and running and open for business. And please don't ask me how long it took to fill. I'd rather not think about it, ha ha.
What's that, Talkram? Is it hygienic? Are you serious? What the hell do we care about hygiene? We're barbarians for crying out loud--although I'll admit the blood did feel a little bit, like, sticky I guess, the first time I tried it.
But whatever. As I said, we're barbarians. I mean, am I right?
So, come on! Who's with me? Last one in's a rotten egg!
What's that, Vragram? Your son's birthday party? Is that today?
Yeah, of course. I completely forgot. How old is he again? Ten!? No, that can't be. Really? Wow, they grow up so fast, don't they? Yeah, of course you should be with him today. See you next time.
But the rest of you have exactly 10 seconds to get in this tub. Let's go!
How about you, Olshraff? What do you say, Mr. MVP?
What?
Seriously?
No. Bullshit, man. There's no way you're playing the newlywed card again, my friend. Not on my watch. Come on, after a performance like yours against the Heleglorths, you've got time for a quick dip, although I must warn you: Once you get in you're not going to want to get out, he he.
No?
Not even five minutes?
Damn, man. You whipped! I can't believe this is coming from the same guy that collected 12 heads yesterday. Look at me over here. I'm all, Will the real Olshraff please stand up? Ha ha. OK lover boy, I'll give you a pass this time, but you're on my list!
OK, Flythgrawn. Looks like it's just you and me! Get your ass in that tub. I am not going to take no for an answer! Ha ha.
What? Oh, grow up. It is not "gay", I am so sure.
But if it makes you feel more comfortable, how about we go out whoring afterwards? What do you think? Nice blood soak followed by a night of whoring neither of us will ever forget? My treat. Come on, Flyth. I've never known you to turn down an offer like that, am I right? Great. It's settled then. In we go! This is going to be great.
What are you talking about, "errands"? This is the victory celebration we've been talking bout since we started out and now you've got errands? You can't be serious.
Oh for fuck's sake, Flyth. I'm not saying we sit in there all night long. I'm just saying a few minutes.
No? You're busy?
No, OK. That's fine. No. Hey, if you're busy, you're busy.
No, I'm not mad.
No, really. I'm not.
Just disappointed.
Yeah, of course we're still on for barbarian yoga this Tuesday. But if you suddenly have too many errands, do try to let me know as soon as you can, OK? You're not the only one who's busy, you know.
No, I am not going to sit in there by myself. That's just weird.
Seriously, Flyth. I'm not mad. I swear. I guess I'm just confused. I feel like things are changing around here, like I'm the only one from the old group who's really "into" this whole barbarian thing anymore.
No, Flyth. Uh uh. Don't soak just for my sake. I don't want you in there because you feel sorry for me. I want you to want to soak with me. Otherwise I'll feel like an asshole. You said you're busy. That's fine.
Really?
You really want to? You're not just saying that?
Thanks, Flyth. That really means a lot.
See, it's pretty cool, right? Just imagine how awesome it's going to be once I get those bone railings up and running.
Yeah. Now this is what barbarianism is all about. Just kicking back in a bath of our enemy's blood and basking in the glory of a hard fought victory. This is living, my friend. This is living.
Eww, did you just fart?