September 20 - The Bubble Wrap Guy

Dude, check it out. This guy's made of bubble wrap.
Whoah!
Look, you can pop him.
(pop, pop, pop)
Here, let me see.
(pop, pop, pop)
Ha ha. Cool.
(pop, pop, pop)
What's that inside him?
Where?
There. In the middle.
I don't see--Oh, there. I don't know.
That is the essence of the earth's life giving force.
Whoah! He can talk?!
What the--
Yes, I can talk. Just because I'm made of plastic bubble wrap doesn't mean I can't talk. Ha ha.
(pop, pop, pop)
Dude, cut it out.
Oh, right.
(pop)
Does that hurt?
It doesn't hurt me, but--
Sweet!
(pop, pop, pop)
But it does--
(pop, pop, pop)
Ha ha.
(pop, pop, pop)
Dude, twist his arm. It sounds like popcorn!
(pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop)
Awesome!
Wait . . . Wait!
(pop, pop)
Sorry.
I wasn't finished.
Sorry.
OK. Now like I was saying, it doesn't hurt me when you pop my bubbles, but--
(pop)
My bad.
But the more bubbles of mine that you pop, the harder it becomes for me to protect the essence of the earth's life giving force. That's what's inside me. That's what my bubbles are protecting.
Hmm . . .
(pop)
Ha ha. Yes, that's it. Go right ahead. Pop all the bubbles you want, but they won't come back. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not ever. And--
(pop, pop)
--And once they're gone there will be nothing left to protect the essence of the earth's life giving force.
I don't get it.
(pop, pop, pop)
My bubbles--the ones you're popping right now as we speak, ha ha--are the only thing that can protect the essence--
--of the earth's life giving force. Yeah, I get that part. But like . . . I don't get it. Like, should we stop?
The decision is yours.
(pop, pop)
But if we pop them all right now, it's no big deal?
Well, I wouldn't say that. After all, if you pop them all today, there will be nothing left for tomorrow.
Oh, NOW I get it. We should space it out so we can enjoy it longer. Pop a few today, a few tomorrow, the next day. That kind of thing. Stretch it out.
Well, that is one possibility. But the end is still the same. The essence of the earth's--
(pop, pop, pop)
--life giving--
(pop, pop)
--force will be--
(pop, pop, pop)
--unprotected.
(pop, pop, pop)
Oh, for God's sake. Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm a metaphor for your overindulgent lifestyles. By blithely engaging in such destructive and short-sighted pleasures, you destroy me and my ability to sustain life on this planet!
(pop, pop)
Wait. What? You're what?
I'm a metaphor.
You're just a metaphor?
Well, I wouldn't say I'm JUST a metaphor
(singing) I'm just a metaphor, and everywhere I go . .
Shut up.
Sorry.
OK. So we can do whatever, right? Like, if we want to take you home and take care of you, we can do that.
Yes.
But if we want to pop all your bubbles right now we can do that too.
Yes.
Sweet! Here, grab his arms and I'll grab his legs.
OK.
And now twist him this way and I'll twist him that way.
Like this?
But--
Yeah. Ready?
Yeah.
Go!
(pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop)
Oh, crap. We ripped him.
Oh, shit.
There's the "essence of the earth's life giving force." Duh duh DUH!
Ha ha. Eww, don't touch it.
Dude, it smells like strawberry jam.
Don't, dude. Gross!
Dude, taste it. It's really good.
Shut up.
Seriously, dude. Try it.
OK, God. . . . Oh my God! What is that shit?
The essence of the earth's life giving force.
Shut up.
Either that or the sickest strawberry jam ev-ah!.
Whatever it is, it's freaking good.
WAS good. Now it's gone.
Crap, you're right.
Maybe he has some friends.
Yeah.
Here, you check around here. I'll go over there.
OK.
Mr. Bubble Wrap Guy! Here Mr. Bubble Wrap Guy! Come here, boy!
Ha ha.