April 13 - What I've Learned (As Written by God for Esquire magazine)

A lot of people will point to a Mozart or a Hendrix or a da Vinci and say "God given talent," but the thing is I give everyone talent. The only difference is they found theirs.
Every once in a while I take another look at Victoria Falls or the Himalayas or the Great Barrier Reef and I'm like, wow.
Yeah, the next world is better, but a lot of people are doing a bang up job of making this one pretty livable, too.
No doubt about it, some people do some pretty awful things in my name. You should see their faces when I tell them how unimpressed I am.
I know it's a cliche, but stop and smell the roses. It's always worth it.
A lot of people from a lot of different religions worship me in a lot of different ways, but the thing is, most of them generally have the right idea.
On the seventh day? Yeah, I rested. I thought about creating books so I would have something to read, but instead I just went for a walk. You guys should do that more often.
Why don't I stop terrorists? I do, actually. All the time. But why not all the time? It's complicated and I don't expect you to understand. It's one of those infinite wisdom things. The best way I can explain it is I'm like a parent trying to let his kids learn from their mistakes. Believe me, it's not easy not intervening--Like I said, a lot of times I do--but I'm mostly thinking big picture. You guys will figure it out one of these days.
No matter where you're from and which way you're going, ultimately the destination's the same, so you may as well check out the sights along the way.
Some of the stuff you guys have done with music just brings me up short, and I mean that in a good way.
You know, the U.S. National Park System has a lot going for it. Just saying.
Yeah, when all those graffiti artists were writing "Clapton is God" back in the 60s, I wasn't offended at all because the man could play.
When push comes to shove, there's not a lot that isn't covered by "do unto others".
It's a toss up between Off the Wall and Thriller, but I gotta go with Off the Wall.
What's that saying, youth is wasted on the young? Actually, I thought about having youth kick in later on in life, you know, when you're older and wiser, but I stand by my decision to give it to you right away. Let me give you a hint: It's not a finite resource.
How does it all end? Come on, you don't really want me to tell you that, do you?
It's true what they say: Don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff--except syphilis. Sheesh.